So what’s up for this blog? Here we go again with another random thought. It can be better, it can be lame but I hope it won’t be worst. So my day started fine, nothing much special or sweeping. Life can be so boring at times but we should not escape its monotonous tone, but so much of its annoying presence we find fleeting eases through sham laughter’s, it’s either I side-splittingly laugh, out of too much happiness, or lunacy is the only way of escaping too much pain. Choosing what you want in life is like choosing what you like to wear, you need to decide the degree of comfort from the degree of bizarre you would like to blend but some people prefer a lot of sophistication with their lifestyle and by doing so they forgot who they really are. You wear stilettos and hurt your own sole.
Couple of days before, the sweet mist of morning did not wake me up in my bed instead, the throbbing of my heart, I had a few short breaths to take before I could breathe again, I struggled a cramping pain and so my distressing whining woke my mom beside me and we rush into the hospital. Though I myself is not convince of what I felt, the stunted cramping of my heart remains obscure for the last 6 months perhaps because I tried to veil every pain, as long as I can pretend that I don’t feel something inside and the whole thing flooded into my mind as I lay into that hospital bed with my mom and sister beside me, trying to ignore my agony, I kept flashing a smile to lessen their worries yet at the back of my head it felt like I am being fenced by a thief and I may not see them again by my heart’s next assault. Two nurses and a couple of doctors were asking me things and they started to unbutton my shirt and started setting the ECG machine tubes, by that time I feel numb, my ears burning but my palms and soles cold. Then I began to recall memories of which I no longer remember not until that moment and people I’ve loved and learned to love were in motion pictures like slideshows in my mind. It’s been so long since I cared for the woman I can see in front of the mirror, it’s been a while since I taught myself to be happy without waiting other people to help me so, and it’s been so long that I have been giving a lot of myself until nothing was left to me but the word’s left unsaid. Fatality comes in different forms and like bread we all have our own expiry date.
