Just Breathe!

  It's been a while since I last checked my out-of-the-blue made blog,  Call it a crap if you want, I won't even dare hating you nor beg you to change your mind. really, I don't mind. soothe yourself! I am not a grammar nerd so hang with it.

          .....anyway, too much for that!  I finally got over with the big deal of dragging myself out of the the bed since you left ( you know who you are ;) it makes me sick sometimes to hear from you,.. that just the sound of my voice each time i called you, gave you a of little sun rays from a thick storm..

           

             I am quite honored..(always been)

           though contrary to what I feel, every part of it scars my heart centimeter by centimeter.

          A memory of you numbs my whole being, makes me weak at some point, then I look over me ,

just to remind myself that even if we are miles apart, we will always be under the same one sky.

      A quick passing relief! yeah! exactly!,

and just like the sky, I will never be able to touch you no matter how hard I try to close my eyes with my fingers crossed.

                                                                                                       
                                                            Now that's a belief!

      but just like the sky too, I keep holding on because where ever I go, I know you will always be there around me in my memory and in my heart. I wouldn't skip a beat.  As one friend shared me a quote that goes; "In the crossroads where split, it saddens me that we may never meet again.." sad but true, I wonder why true often becomes a sad word.?  what more could life give me? how worst could it get?  how much pain will I need to endure before i could breath again.. or this very thing makes me live life and it makes me human, less of you and more in pain..I would always ask to have me born with an infra-red Nikko seeking vision.. I hope seeing your existence..till we meet again. Bon Voyage!

200 hours of summer

     The balmy days of summer are almost over and none of my summer thoughts were even justified. Still lucky about the idea of spending the last 200 hundred hours of my sun kissed times with my on-the-job training, although most of my task involved a totally mundane experience, I am happy to gain new old friends running for a lifetime category. travelled to Bacolod overnight,  tasted the bitter sweet of life.

   For the past 3 months of my life, I was totally away from heartaches and I  kept thanking  God for setting me free from the things I wasn’t suppose to spoil my time with. I was away from vices, wrong people and I garnered more time of nourishing my inner being.  Life is truly a gift. I made a lot of mistakes, mistakes of which made me regret to choose things for my own happiness without even realizing that some of my choices of happiness may hinder another’s' happiness in which makes it invalid because you can't be happy unless you see your parents, your true friends happy for your choices. I love life, though failing is always a part of it. 

      I was a very troubled girl. I keep thinking of things  that are not really worth thinking.

“But some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default." Jk Rowling

 We often expect a world where good guys won, integrity was considered a virtue, and a good heart and a fine mind would take a woman far.  the rest of my summer were not even surrounded by waves and splash nor mango shakes and sun blocks instead with aroma of coffee stirred for my boss and his guest and routes of documents flooding the table.

  I took a break from anxieties, kept running from hate, from prejudice. And running was only fun when I chase my dreams without any sign of looking back from my dim past. I gave myself a chance to learn, to read some more and strengthen my faith through prayer.  I’ve realize how other people puzzled my mind and with just one snap you’re left alone at edge of a cliff.  There are memories of mine I’ve auctioned for amnesia disease or for lease or rather free... People I've wished I've never met.  No wonder I wasn’t running for any end of the world saver of the day because I’ll pick less than 20 lives you bet.

Long hours of rest are soon to be long hours of No REST... I’m finally apt for my last year of college and I want to run as fast as I could to see those priceless smiles from parents and older siblings. The people who truly mattered to me from the very beginning of my heart beat.  It’s been a while since the last time I felt my heart ached.  I yearn for my true friends, my older brother and his family and my family together. I pine for living life.  And tomorrow is another day to begin one.

At the end of the day,  all that matters to me, is  that I’ve caused no heartache to anyone, and I still got that rhythm of loving dancing.