Twenty

After an hour, I’ll no longer have the right in the teenage margin. In my 20 years of existence in this world of bewilderment, I had my share of up’s and downs that made me who exactly I am now... I have learn a lot... and a lot comes from a bunch of gaffe... confound by the struggles of life, mix up happiness, unprepared juvenile love, familial lapses, blunder decisions, misjudge actions perhaps, I am so human and such vulnerable to any kind of possibilities and probabilities. Life is a gift to be segmented with drama, comedy, tragedy and melancholy. You can never have a good film without twist and thrilling revelations otherwise my life would be boring now if I was a totally free from any kind of problems. Problems are every man’s turning point and it used to be anyone’s foe but unconsciously its rather a mirror of you. Growing up, I have no trouble coping with the world as it is aside from a family stuffed with tedious riddle. Everyday is a mystery. We can never avoid our fate but we could always work for our destiny in such a way that we have a clear view of our horizon.  We often fall because of our flaws and sometimes I do realized that what matters most is not number of times we have fallen but the struggle we make to overcome our fears and drawbacks.. It's 30 minutes before the first (ticktacktoe ) of my young adulthood.. Counting my blessings and being contented with just a little bit is to be as rich as kings.. 

GREY

Okay so the world’s getting busier each day and I too have my share of explorations.

    It's been 6 months since I last set my eyes inside a disco bar.  I could still remember the smell of the place, how people moved, how  the DJ  kept the house on fire, in fact I can see people sweat their selves out to almost no sense of tomorrow  till they passed out. As if the world's is at it's end of how the late poets described in their literary works their views about life. 

I've been studying literature as minor subject, my favorite as of the moment  and I was partly into it, given the chance of having a great teacher but a very unlikely time for me to learn most of it and the rest of my subjects. I've been going to school, counting my last seven months on foot in our university. I was totally happy setting myself as nobody during the last 3 years of my college life. Although I paid lesser attention in any extra curricular activities believing that's there’s a lot more important out there for me to explore than hearing people's applause from a job well done, pleasing other people wasn't really my sort of thing and as I continue to search for my life's purpose, family problems started flooding in. 

 Though in denial,  I've been able to puzzle out the jittery picture out of my head of how my family was, nevertheless thankful that I could say, I had the best mom, the best sister the best brother but the least father. I love everything about life including failure but growing up in a failing family in reality is hard. I keep telling myself that this must be a good life... whenever I'm stuck in a night of bewilderment on how to focus myself in a setting living with a person I never wish I did (my dad) though most my reasons is not necessary to be typed, I wish I could so I could let all sort of feelings I feel right now simmer.. I write the way I think and obviously it's quite broken into pieces. I had bunch of stuffs at the back of my head waiting to be blown away. 


Being in school, learning from the book didn't really helped me learn how to survive a morning filled with familial problems. I figured it all out alone. Listening to my teachers’ lectures doesn't seem to move me at all, as I thought of them, teaching just to live not live to teach not all of them but most of them I believe. Life has been great and between black and white there's always a shade of grey (gray); my favorite color. A moment to realize that at every battle we take we are entitled to set our legs down to ground and kneel down in prayer. It’s not about winning or losing it's about living. 

As Shakespeare wrote; All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances,